Do I check the Disabled Box?

I have a had a temporary disability. And I’m not proud of “coming out” about it.

Why? Because you see, my disability isn’t like most others. I have true empathy for those who are truly disabled (blind, wheelchair bound, missing a limb, mental health, and so on (and please don’t write me saying I missed this or that)).

Two and a half years ago, I tore up my arm. No, I didn’t lose it. But, a few surgeries later, it is finally on the road to being of use.

Fortunately, my field of practice, marketing, does not require me to have two arms. And the injury did not affect my hand. So I could still type — even though it was extremely painful at times.

Here’s a picture of my arm after my sixth surgery — no, not gonna be gross or graphic, but here it is in the brace.

Was in this brace for six months. My arm ended up being 50% of the size.

What happened? I caught a falling piece of railing that was falling on some teenagers (about 800 lbs). I felt two pops in my arm. One was the tearing of the bicep.

In the repair of the bicep (1st surgery), the doctor cut the nerves in my arm. This caused pain that, the only way I can explain it, caused me to think about suicide, all day long. In fact, I was willing to have my arm removed to relieve me of the pain. The drugs that I was put on, not good. All I can say is NEVER EVER take Lyrica. EVER! The withdrawal from Lyrica is on the par of withdrawing from alcohol, or heroin.

Thank God that I was directed to a Nerve Surgeon who saved not only my arm, but my life.

The second surgery was a replacement of all the nerves that were cut. This surgery relieved a significant portion of the pain (and I could come down off the drugs!). Moving it from suicidal to a six or seven on the pain level — with it shooting to 10 every now and then.

It was a few months after this surgery that the original reattachment of my bicep became “unattached” again. I didn’t know it at the time, until my next surgery.

The third surgery was repair of the rotator cuff. This was the other pop I felt when the deck railing fell. Unfortunately, the emergency room, the orthopedic surgeon that “repaired” the bicep, missed the rotator cuff tear. After a year of living with horrible pain in the shoulder (besides the pain in the arm), another doctor saw it and had me in for surgery in less than a week. It was during the initial consultation with this doctor that I found out my bicep was no longer attached. (They call it Popeye arms, where the bicep rolls up into your shoulder/top of arm, and you look like Popeye.)

NOTE: This was an interesting injury, as I had the shoulder repaired over a decade ago. With the new damage, the original titanium sutures that were in place had been ripped free and were floating in my shoulder joint, causing massive bursitis and arthritis to occur. The doctor took pictures and is using it for his classes (he teaches at John Hopkins). Said that he had never seen or heard of this in his life.

The forth surgery was going in and cutting nerves in the arm. The original replacement of nerves didn’t take. I was offered the option of doing it again or cutting the nerves. I chose to cut them all. Living with the pain (6–7 and occasionally at a 10) caused a lot of issues in my life. The simplest example is trying to write something and having to stop because the brain switched from “Oh, let’s write about the next step in launching the product” to “Oh shit, someone shoot me now!”. It was exhausting to live with this day in and day out.

Don’t get me wrong. I could live. I could love my wife. I could walk the dog. With short moments in every day where my brain would cease functioning and only think about the pain. (I clearly understand and sympathize with all those that have “chronic pain” on this level and have to live with it every day.)

BTW — we had to use our life savings to pay for these surgeries, as insurance companies would rather have you take drugs to manage the pain instead of solving the issue. Yes, we did have insurance, and yes, they did pick up some of the cost (after legal action — they considered this “elective surgery”; but by no means enough for someone who didn’t have a “nest egg” put away.

My fifth surgery was a repair of damaged tendons and bones in my hand. As my pain levels lowered, new injuries started to be discovered (like the shoulder). Until this surgery, I didn’t understand why my thumb didn’t work correctly and that my hand would twitch all day long. It was partially due to the nerve damage, but also the injuries to the tendons and bones in the hand.

So, my last surgery (I hope), was the repair/reattachment of the bicep. This came about after I had visited a few doctors who all said “There is nothing that can be done”; until I met a doctor who told me about a “new” surgery where they put an Achilles tendon in the arm to reattach the bicep. He directed me to a doctor that did it at the medical school at the state university.

I met with him and we scheduled the surgery. Which he did a few months ago.

My arm is finally out of the brace (pictured above) and I am now allowed to start working out.

Physical fitness was a major part of my life before I was injured. The week before I injured myself, I was benching 355 lbs 12 times; or, barbell curl 50 lbs 16 times. I was proud of my arms and chest. No, they weren’t like what you see on TV. I am 6'3" and I was fit but by no means did I look like The Rock.

Now, over two years later, I can barely curl 2 lbs. I can’t bench. But, next week, I’m allowed to start swimming.

Okay, enough about this.

I am temporarily disabled — only until I can open a door with the arm. (Did you know that the biceps primary responsibility is not lifting, per se’, but turning, like opening a jar, or turning a door knob. It’s been over two years since I opened a door with my left arm/hand. “So use your right” you say. I did when I could. But, imagine, carrying a purse, or a bag of groceries, or a jacket, in your right hand, and putting it in your left, to then open the door; now understand, much of the time over these past few years, my arm has had stitches, in a sling and/or brace, and then scars that were healing. So, I bet I have opened a door with my left hand less than a dozen times over these years. It became tedious opening doors, like from your car to work and having to put down what you had, open the door, pick it up, and then walk through.

This, THIS, is why my appreciation for those with true disabilities has gone up 1000 fold. Yes, I felt sorry or empathetic for those with disabilities before. But now, my life and respect for those has changed. I remember being in high school and we had to “pretend” that we were blind for 10 minutes and walk through an obstacle/maze course. Yes, you got an idea, but, had no real clue as to what it took to overcome a disability. Now I do.

NOTE: What did I do for work over these few years? I must say that I consulted with a a company (contract was long term) that was very understanding. They knew that my mind wasn’t affected (after that second surgery) and that I could still give them the expertise that they wanted. They got it and are very happy (they got me cheap but I didn’t do cheap work).

But now, I’m ready to get back into working full time with some lucky company. And here’s the dilemma — do I say that I am disabled on a job application? Doctors say that they will write me letters saying I am disabled (one just said show them the scars and hold up your arms for comparison).

But do I? Am I taking advantage of something that is only temporary?

Yes, it will be another year before I will be able to open a heavy door with my left arm, but, it’s only a year. I can carry a bag of groceries in my left arm (but can’t lift it). I can obviously type, and as I’ve mentioned, marketing is 90% brain (well, for me it is, as I think out of the box in making companies successful).

Every time that I see the disabled checkbox, I waver. Some sites have a “temporarily disabled” box to check. I waver on those also. Should I check? The job doesn’t require lifting or opening doors (besides getting into and out of the office, and I can make that work).

Am I taking a job away from someone truly disabled who could do the job (not as well as me, but…)?

Am I taking advantage of my situation?

So, I don’t check the box. But, if I apply for a job that requires lifting, like, setting up a trade booth at a show (come on, working for small companies requires everyone to do everything), I am going to have to check the temporarily disabled box.

I know that my resume will move to the top of the “pile” if I do check the box.

But I can’t. I just can’t.