Fight!

I was reminded again that you need to fight for what you believe in.

We see it everyday, with politics, with sports, with most of our personal lives.

And with the word “most” highlighted above, I want to diverge into something that we all have or had to do in our professional lives.

That’s “fight” for what we want. Fight for what we believe in. Just fight.

Too many times, especially when we are young, we just “take it” and not fight.

I’m talking about something that I write about a lot here. And that’s bullying.

No, not on the schoolyard or on social media. That happens and (sorry liberal readers), there is nothing that will stop it. It’s human nature to always pick on someone that’s weaker than you. Of course, parenting can stop it — i.e. how you raise your child to respect others, but, there are so many single parent homes or where both parents have jobs and give the time needed, many children have to endure the bullying and learn to live with it or act out and be the bully’s themselves.

And conquer it. Or not.

Our childhood forms who we are today. If we were a dick in school, we may be a dick today — unless someone comes along and breaks us from being a dick.

And most people do break themselves of being a dick (no, this isn’t a comedy write-up here — but it sure feels that way doesn’t it?)

But some don’t learn. Some still continue to be a**holes as they become managers. In other words, they continue to bully, even when they become adults.

And that’s where fighting comes into play.

In school, many of us who were bullied were small, or quiet, or shy, or just different — and thus, we took it. (Doesn’t mean it’s right, it just was.)

But it was how we came out of it that makes us stronger. Or should make us stronger.

And yet, I meet and see employee’s of bosses who are bullied. Who still won’t do anything about it, even though they’re adults.

Some go to HR and make a complaint. Some take it. Some leave the company or division and hope the grass is greener on the other side.

They cope — to survive.

But something that was taught to me in my first few years as a professional was to fight. To stand up.

I knew that I wasn’t going to be punched and kicked and ridiculed anymore. Well, not publicly like in school.

Yes, I did know that I may be fired by my boss (the bully). And that was okay. It took a lot of understanding on my part to accept that that may be an outcome, but, I had a choice.

When you are 3' tall trying to stand up to someone who is 5' tall, most choices are taken away, except the one to flee (if possible).

But, when you are 25 and the other person (the bully) is 30, and even if you are taller, the desire to flee (again, from childhood), often takes a front row in your thinking.

And it’s unfortunate and sad.

That’s where my life coaching skills have come into play. To coach (or teach) someone how to stand up for themselves.

That it’s okay to stand-up for yourself. To tell someone that when they do something, that it belittles you. That it is not acceptable.

That it’s okay to fight. Not with fists, but with words that explain what is being done, to you, is not right.

NOTE: I am not talking about being triggered or the desire to be in a safe place. That will accomplish nothing beyond being bullied more or shunned.

Fighting for your mental health is okay and right. Being constantly put down, or ridiculed in front of others, or just made to feel like crap because of the job you do is not right. For you or for the company.

Stand up and fight. Use words. Tell them off (in private), if you need to. Or just tell them that what they are doing is wrong and that they shouldn’t treat you, or anyone else, that way.

Remember my blog post about all of us being human? It is exactly that. No one is better or worse than you and have no right to treat you in any way different than any other human being.

I remember asking my boss, the very first time I stood up to his bullying, if he “treated his wife and kids the way he treated me”. If he “treated the CEO and Director the same way that he treated me”.

He didn’t. He realized that he was bullying me and changed his habits.

I still left the company, but, not because of him (I got a better offer somewhere else). He did make a conscious decision to start treating his staff better, and it showed, as all of us worked harder and became more efficient.

In closing, I’m saying this. We are not children anymore and shouldn’t be treated like or treat others who are adults like they are children. We shouldn’t be bullied. We need to stand up and fight for what our worth is (which is immeasurable!). We need to fight for our feelings.

And lastly, we need to fight for who we are. As each of us is unique and is valuable. If we don’t start seeing that in ourselves and stand up to defend it, we will just allow the bully's to continue to treat others (and us), as nothing more than children to them.